At work, while using the restroom, I noticed that some of my fellow co-workers have an incredible wiping method. Listen in and learn.
Just the other day, I ripped my pants and was looking for a tailor. Lucky for me, someone referred me to Edward’s tailor and alteration shop in Mountain View California. As I went in to get my pants fixed Edward recommended I put the pants on so he could measure the appropriate fixes that needed to be made.
At this point I think there is nothing extraordinary out of this situation… that is until her started placing his measuring tape in my crotch area…
The first thing that I notices where his fingers worked very slowly, and methodically. I knew right away that this guy had being doing this kinda thing his whole life. He asked me to spread my legs a big for a better look. As he placed his thumb and index finger on the side of my thigh, holding down one end of the measuring tape, he took and worked the measuring up and in my crotch to the other end. It was something I had never in my life experienced before. His touch was firm, yet careful. His fingers looked very strong, yet felt so delicate.
As I looked down, it was then that I saw his green eyes staring into mine. I couldn’t help but feel a sleepy trance take over my body, and at the same time feel extremely alarmed.
Stay tuned for the remainder of my visit to Edward Sausage Hands.
I had to do something about the boogs being wiped on the wall.
Recently I have decided to sell my bike on craigslist. Here is the following emails I got and my response.
Cisco says… “neant thsome cheapth!!
Safes? Locks? Nope. My grandfather prefers just rubber bands.
Dump Sneak.
Broken badge retractor
2:44:00 PM Brad Wrage: hey Chip head
2:44:03 PM Brad Wrage: what are you doing?
2:50:43 PM James Edmondson: ahhhhh im not chip head!
2:50:49 PM Brad Wrage: yes you are
2:50:55 PM James Edmondson: you’re right!!!!
2:57:12 PM Brad Wrage: nyant some chepth?
3:04:25 PM Brad Wrage: ?
3:04:50 PM James Edmondson: no i don’t nyant any chepth
Last night I attended a Christmas party where the host got too drunk and had to cut things short at 12:52. As an enthusiast of all things weird, this upset me because the party was just on the cusp of unusual when was abruptly terminated. I was taking notes at the time. I made the host “sign off” on the finishing of the festivities. As you can see, he started to write his real name, then opted for a completely un-connected scribble of his nick name. He even spelled it wrong.
